How do I meet someone so I can get off these damn dating apps?
“I just want to meet someone great, so I can get the ‘EFF’ off this app!” As a Relationship Therapist specializing in Dating Therapy it’s a complaint I hear often enough. Some of the habitual swiping going on these days can be mildly entertaining, and slightly more than mildly addictive. Even so, many who are using the latest dating apps are SRSLY ready to get off of them and get on with living, loving and relating.
3 Tips to Get Them
to Swipe Right
For those of you who are ready to revolutionize your dating app profile, and your IRL profile (how you present to people In Real Life) here are 3 simple, but powerful tips from a Dating Therapist to help you meet your match. These tips will help you RE-WIRE your brain to attract the right kinds of people to you. Check it out:
Get them to swipe right with confidence.
Confidence is sexy. But why? On a deeper level, it’s a reflection of one’s self-acceptance, self-love and just plain old likin’ yerself. And that’s a rare commodity. If you can take time out, go inside and connect with parts of yourself that you do like, feel good about and intrinsically feel valuing of you’re crushing it.
Rick Hanson, PhD, a neuroscientist and author of many great books including Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha’s Brain, is one of my favorite neuropsychotherapists. According to Rick’s research and practice, when we slow down to connect with those places and experiences inside ourselves that feel good we reinforce the strength of those feelings and the likelihood of our being able to get there again. Translated, we get better at feeling good about ourselves.
One of the coolest things I like about Rick's Hanson's approach is his H.E.A.L. technique for rewiring our brains:
Have It - Have a good experience. (Someone says something kind or prizing to or about you.)
Experience It – Slow down, realy experience that good feeling and ensuing mind-body state.)
Absorb It – Stay with that good feeling-tone experience resonating inside of you for at least 20-30 seconds.
Link It – Then, an extra step if you want: While feeling and being in that good place, try linking an older more negative experience with this new positive one.
By bringing in a little bit of an old “bummer” feeling from a similar kind of experience that didn’t go as well we blend the old neuropathways with new, positive, supportive ones.
Linking that old negative feeling with the new, good feeling can take away the strength of the negative past experience.
Take a good vibe with you when you go-a-swiping, or dating, or anywhere.
Now, take the more positive, uplifted state of mind, and approach your profile with that inner experience of self-confidence, self-love and appreciation and the internal KNOWING that you have something to offer and that someone, make that many people, would appreciate. Being in touch with who you are (GOOD) and what you have to offer (GOOD) will exude a presence and energy that is rich. Most of us want to feel that way too so if you do, not in an arrogant, devaluing way, but in a genuine, real way, people will sense that you have something valuable and be attracted to that.
So, in a nutshell…
Want to get off those darn apps? Re-wiring your brain, in this case rewiring how confident you feel about yourself, will have a direct effect on how you feel when approaching your profile or others’ profiles. Being in touch with things that you feel good about and value about yourself breeds confidence. Confidence is sexy, and attractive and genuinely feeling attractive starts on the inside with how YOU see and hold yourself.
My next post will be Tip 2 in this series on getting them to swipe right, so watch for it. I love hearing how these strategies are helping! If you want to some help uncovering your real inner confidence and feeling good about yourself - feel free to call me for a free 15 minute phone consultation (415)797-8297 today. I am San Francisco’s resident dating therapist helping singles create the love and life that they want!