Have you ever wondered why, even after learning dating tips and reading dating books, you keep ending up in the same laundry cycle with dates and relationships?
Here are a few dating tips from a Spiritual Psychology point of view.
1. Clarify what it is you really want.
I think it's pretty common for single folks to think they know what they want and what they're after in the dating world. But I would bet that most people could dig a little deeper.
If you're wanting to meet someone, to go on a date or many dates, what will it give you? A good exercise to experiment with is to contemplatively ask yourself: "What do I most want from dating someone." And then follow it up with , "And what would that really give me?"
Oftentimes you'll find yourself going from answers like “to have someone to go out with”, “to not be alone”, “to enjoy things together”, “to start a family”, etc and eventually get to deeper answers like, “to feel connected”, “to feel at peace”, “to feel seen and understood” and other deeper more meaningful reasons.
The point in approaching this exploration is to go deeper and deeper into the psychological or spiritual experience that you're seeking, not just the external circumstances, activities or events.
2. Identify what's blocking you from that in your life.
Once you've identified some of the key things that you're wanting to experience psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, ask yourself in what way shape or form might I be subtly neglecting this in my own relationship with myself or in other areas of my life?
For example: Is there a way in which I'm wanting to be seen by someone else as interesting, desirable, intelligent, attractive, but not seeing myself that way?
Or do I critique myself, or perhaps more accurately, do I listen to the critical voice iinside of me and buy into its story and then feel negatively about myself?
Often, we want someone else to do for us that which we aren't doing for or giving to ourselves. It's easy to get caught in thinking or hoping that someone else will give it to us and then we can feel good about ourselves.
But a better approach is to build the kind of relationship with yourself (and with your world/environment/universe) that you want to have with someone else.
3. “Fealize” the thing that you want
Fealize: A combination of visualizing, feeling and realizing (making real).
Visualizing, or mental rehearsal, is a technique of simultaneously feeling as if the thing that you are visualizing is true, real and happening now.
The power of the emotional experience with the mental focus is something that wires in something new in our brains, and is a micro step towards actualizing it.
So instead of getting caught in visualizing negative, unwanted outcomes and feeling disappointment and the unhappiness that goes with it, try spending more time visualizing or fealizing what you do want.
See yourself on a first great date with someone who you have great chemistry with, but also who you feel really sees you and appreciates who you are.
Or see yourself 3 months into dating someone sitting on the couch talking with them, feeling a moment of appreciation, joy, inner calm or peace and sense of gratification. Try to let these last at least 20 or 30 seconds, but let yourself go for a minute or two if you can.