The Science of Attraction: Exploring the Chemistry Behind Romantic Allure
Chances are, you know all about the chemistry of attraction—from experience: your heart races, you feel excited and even giddy, you begin to idealize (some say “idolize”) him or her, and your attention fixates on the object of your affection. They feel like “the one”!
The Science of Attraction
But have you ever wondered what neuroscience has discovered is really going on in your brain when you meet someone you feel that oh-so-important “chemistry” with? Why do you feel those butterflies in your stomach? And why do you lose your appetite when you start falling for that special person?
As it turns out, the science of attraction is complex and fascinating.
In ancient times, people believed that emotions like love stemmed from the heart, but now we know that it all begins in the brain.
There are three main phases that we experience when we meet someone and feel a spark
: 1) the initial “Lust” phase, 2) intense “Attraction” phase —which this blog will focus on—, and finally, 3) the “Attachment” phase of long-lasting, romantic love.
Should chemistry be the all important factor we have made it out to be when looking for a partner? Here's what’s actually happening in your brain during the attraction phase, when you’re spending time with someone that you just can’t stop thinking about.
Norepinephrine Increase
Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter. When you’re deep in the attraction phase, the levels of norepinephrine in your brain increase. In turn, this leads to the release of adrenocorticotropic hormone, also known as ACTH, into your bloodstream. And that continues the chain of events, prompting your adrenal glands to release adrenaline.
Adrenaline is what causes your increased heart rate and the feeling that you can’t take your eyes off your partner. This chemical allows you to intently focus your attention on one thing without getting distracted. Basically, it gives you tunnel vision. And makes that person seem so important, and maybe “right”, since it's difficult for our brains to simultaneously hold both right and wrong at the same time.
Dopamine Rush
Dopamine motivates us to continue reward-seeking behavior. When this chemical is released, it activates the pleasure centers in your brain, prompting you to continue chasing that feeling.
The dopamine circuits in your brain account for feelings of excitement and elation. And it’s the dopamine at work that makes you wish you could tell the entire world about your partner and how you feel about them. After all, you’re achieving the rewards that your brain is telling you to pursue, so the new relationship is a cause for celebration.
Serotonin Suppression
Serotonin is another neurotransmitter. But when you’re experiencing strong feelings of attraction, your brain begins producing less of it than usual. Why does this matter? Well, serotonin is partially responsible for regulating emotions, maintaining a healthy appetite, memory, sleep, and even your libido.
When your serotonin levels are reduced, your thoughts can become obsessive. This is why you might find that you struggle to pay attention to anything except your new infatuation. It also accounts for your sudden loss of appetite and for staying up late every night, thinking about your partner. It’s all because of your lack of serotonin—it throws off your sleep schedule!
Stress Hormone Flood
Ever wish you could just talk to the person you’re into without feeling like you are tripping over your words? Wonder why it’s so easy to embarrass yourself when you’re trying to impress someone you have feelings for? Blame the stress hormones flowing through your system!
The release of adrenaline and other stress hormones that occurs when you are attracted to someone gives you those pesky butterflies in your stomach. This is why anxiety and nervousness often accompany attraction—the same hormones and chemicals are at play. You simply can’t separate attraction and mild, temporary anxiety—the fear of losing out goes hand in hand with the thrill of the chase
Now, the excitement, rewards, and sense of rightness that can accompany attraction and infatuation can feel so good, just like a euphoric drug. But it's common sense not to make important decisions while “under the influence”…so keep that in mind when your physiology is carrying you away in the early stages of attraction phase of love.
Feel like you can’t get past the “attraction” phase with a potential partner? Wish you could connect with someone on a deeper level? Dating therapy could be the answer. Contact me today to see how relationship therapy can change your love life.